***STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL***
Note to all New York Times Writers:
We are the newspaper of record, so we bear a heavy responsibility to decide what is and what is not accepted as true by mainstream America, and especially by our advertisers. We acknowledge most of what actually happens and has happened, but there are some occurrences that would be too shocking for our readers and too disturbing to our advertisers if reported with complete accuracy, which is often at variance with the official US Government explanation. We must avoid giving these versions of events our imprimatur of Truth at all costs. Those reporters not conforming to these restrictions will be terminated (see Chris Hedges and Seymour Hersh).
Accordingly, in all your stories you will observe the following:
Stick closely to the official US Government accounts of the 9/11 attacks and for that matter the JFK Assassination.
Never refer to the arms industry as a motive force in our foreign policy, notably our aggressive actions abroad, including but not limited to drone strikes, attempts at regime change, targeted assassinations, the fight against ISUL. Never connect a congressperson’s position on an issue to contributions received from lobbyists.
Avoid reporting on the activities of the CIA, especially when they run counter to the stated goals of our government, e.g. supporting the Taliban or ISUL. Never mention any possibility of false flag operations, and avoid mention of Israeli attempts to influence US public opinion or foreign policy and especially any Mossad operation.
Never make any mention of illegal attempts to alter election results, including but not limited to computer hacking, computerized voting machine alteration, flipping votes, or the so-called “red shift” adjustments purportedly used by exit-polling organizations. Stick with aboveboard attempts to limit voting by voter ID requirements, closing polling places, deleting or changing registrations, eliminating early voting. We deplore such measures, which are all instituted by partisan and/or ill-conceived laws. We do not acknowledge, much less investigate the surreptitious alteration of vote totals, no matter the evidence, since this could lead to libel suits, and in the worst case, assassinations of reporters. Accordingly, never refer to Mike Connell’s death or assassination in any way. Leave Karl Rove out of all discussion, and never mention CIA efforts to influence elections abroad.
Soft pedal the racism in attacks against President Obama and the obstructionist attitude of the Republicans in Congress. Never pose the questions of how so many were elected, despite their being a minority party, or else always blame it on Democratic voter apathy and Republican excess zeal.
Focus political reporting whenever possible on the outrageousness of Trump and Cruz. Do not draw attention to Hillary Clinton’s connections to big money, whether it’s in the defense industry or Wall Street. It is permissible to repeat her detractor’s accusations of same, but do not offer any corroboration.
(This is, of course, satire—JSS)
Note to all New York Times Writers:
We are the newspaper of record, so we bear a heavy responsibility to decide what is and what is not accepted as true by mainstream America, and especially by our advertisers. We acknowledge most of what actually happens and has happened, but there are some occurrences that would be too shocking for our readers and too disturbing to our advertisers if reported with complete accuracy, which is often at variance with the official US Government explanation. We must avoid giving these versions of events our imprimatur of Truth at all costs. Those reporters not conforming to these restrictions will be terminated (see Chris Hedges and Seymour Hersh).
Accordingly, in all your stories you will observe the following:
Stick closely to the official US Government accounts of the 9/11 attacks and for that matter the JFK Assassination.
Never refer to the arms industry as a motive force in our foreign policy, notably our aggressive actions abroad, including but not limited to drone strikes, attempts at regime change, targeted assassinations, the fight against ISUL. Never connect a congressperson’s position on an issue to contributions received from lobbyists.
Avoid reporting on the activities of the CIA, especially when they run counter to the stated goals of our government, e.g. supporting the Taliban or ISUL. Never mention any possibility of false flag operations, and avoid mention of Israeli attempts to influence US public opinion or foreign policy and especially any Mossad operation.
Never make any mention of illegal attempts to alter election results, including but not limited to computer hacking, computerized voting machine alteration, flipping votes, or the so-called “red shift” adjustments purportedly used by exit-polling organizations. Stick with aboveboard attempts to limit voting by voter ID requirements, closing polling places, deleting or changing registrations, eliminating early voting. We deplore such measures, which are all instituted by partisan and/or ill-conceived laws. We do not acknowledge, much less investigate the surreptitious alteration of vote totals, no matter the evidence, since this could lead to libel suits, and in the worst case, assassinations of reporters. Accordingly, never refer to Mike Connell’s death or assassination in any way. Leave Karl Rove out of all discussion, and never mention CIA efforts to influence elections abroad.
Soft pedal the racism in attacks against President Obama and the obstructionist attitude of the Republicans in Congress. Never pose the questions of how so many were elected, despite their being a minority party, or else always blame it on Democratic voter apathy and Republican excess zeal.
Focus political reporting whenever possible on the outrageousness of Trump and Cruz. Do not draw attention to Hillary Clinton’s connections to big money, whether it’s in the defense industry or Wall Street. It is permissible to repeat her detractor’s accusations of same, but do not offer any corroboration.
(This is, of course, satire—JSS)
